Write Like The Mogambo Challenge
Names will be released after judging

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Submission 1
By:  JMR Thomas J.

Well, currently my wife is really angry, because I did not buy a beautiful large house this year, just like I did not buy one during the many years of our marriage.
So we still sit in a flat were the weird neighbors are blowing their stinking cigarette smoke directly from their little garden through our living room window,
because they want to keep their own home clean.

My wife’s anger really helps me to start this essay IWITIMS (In What I Think Is Mogambo Style) and hey, this is easier than I thought it would be for a stupid simultaneously-soccer-championship-watching non-native English-language-amateur like me.

Soccer is one of the reasons why homes here in Munich are so expensive. Lots of the guys that are currently playing for their various home countries at the
World Cup in Brasil have been hired by Bayern München and they can of course afford to occupy all the beautiful large houses, which I think I already mentioned.
Yes, those which my wife mentions all the time.

Things will get different though as soon as The Great Mogambo’s Announcements (TGMA) concerning easy investment stuff will become true. Finally the
soccer-players will be happy to sell their homes to those Junior Mogambo Rangers, who followed their master’s advice. At least I now feel: Whee, this writing IWITIMS is easy!

Easy enough to make me go on after this final Whee, which is no longer final now. Did you notice that I just try to add some words to fullfill The Great Mogambo's 300 Words Rule (TGM300WR)? Well, I should be nearly done now. Germany just reached the final round of 16 teams and soon we will know: Whee, Germany won
the World Cup again! Forgive me, if you do not like this nonsense paragraph, just let me add: Whee, I am done!

 

Submission 2
By:  JMR Todd T.

Oh, my gravy!!!!  (OMG).  Mogambo Guru is having a writing competition and I am going to Win This Fiction (WTF), because if there is one thing I am, it is that I am an incompetent, lazy, paranoid nut ball and worthless husband!! And I have teenagers that want to get their “nails” done and buy loads and loads of “conditioner” which I almost just called “cream rinse” but I guess that term isn’t “Politically Correct” in today’s world.  They come to me and plead, “Please hug us, Daddy…. Please give us money…. We have insatiable appetites to purchase meaningless consumer goodies”.  And to them, I reply, “Leave me alone.  I am doing trigger finger exercises so that I have a strong trigger finger on the day the cookie crumbles.  Besides, you already have food, clothing and a roof over your head and you should be singing ‘Zippity Do-Dah’ at the fact that you have things so easy.  And bring me some more Fig Newtons”. 

Alas, I am very, very, very encouraged (VVVE)  and eager to get on with the writing competition, because I was watching that new “Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit” movie and I was cheering from my recliner and almost spilled some tasty, salty snacks and some perfectly cold Root Beer when I saw that FINALLY an ECONOMIST!! was going to save the world in the moving pictures.  WOW!!  Crazy, huh?  And now that Mogambo has issued this challenge I won’t have to hoard every little bit of gold and silver that I can get my grubby little lazy hands on.  Because I am going to be RICH, RICH, RICH from all the WRITING that I’m going to do about morons, and evil Central Bankers, and bunkers, and oil stocks, and gatlin guns, and taking pride in the fact that I have MUCHO firepower (a little Espanol lingo) to light up the SE Texas sky like we did when we wuz kids and we shot Roman candles and bottle rockets and other highly explosive fireworks AT EACH OTHER (and never, not even once, did we EVER “Put anyone’s eye out”).    

But, I’m not just going to be RICH, Be-atch, I’m gonna get DISCOVERED and then I will be the Economist who saves the world (and not that Lame-O Jack Ryan – cuz that’s only in the movies you idiot) from the insane children who are running it now.  Haha!!  People will mob me like a ROCK STAR saying, “Please save us from ourselves and the moronic, insane children that are ruining our lives oh, wise one; Senor El Importante, Junior Mogambo Ranger!!!!”

And I was also thinking about how I became physically ill and had to lie (lay?) down when I read that GDP has gone DOWN 2.9% in the first quarter of the year and how I began puking my guts out (PMGO) when I read on Bloomberg.com that JP Morgan Chase economists said that global prices have increased by 2.65% in May: ONE FRIGGIN’ MONTH!!!! (OFM).  And how I summoned up the voice of Al Gore who once very wisely said, “The things that are supposed to be UP are DOWN, and the things that are supposed to be DOWN are UP”.  Well, you did get that one right, Mr. Inventor of the Internet.  However, you - DEAR READER -   didn’t say that OUT LOUD in your best Al Gore voice….. I’ll give you a few seconds….  go back and re-read that last quote and TRY YOUR BEST to do it in a persuasive Al Gore voice. Take your time.   Now, don’t you feel better?

But, back to me getting RICH, which is all I really care about anyway (well that and all the glory and babes that I will receive from saving the planet from certain starvation, nakedness and homelessness).  IF I can only conjure up all of my best ideas at one time and somehow shoehorn them into 140 characters!!  And GOD knows that I need to, because with my family spending so much freakin’ money on voice lessons, softball tournaments, Nutella, Starbucks and Red Box, I can barely put away a scrap of scrap gold any more  – HAHA!!  And I don’t even own one single, solitary oil stock!  The horror!  All I have in the way of investing in oil and gas is what I can hold in the Prius!!  I think 140 characters is key, though, because NOBODY and I mean NOBODY in this day and age has an attention span to read more than 140 characters at one time.  I know for a fact that YOU have been to the fridge 18 times since you started reading at the top of the page!  But, I don’t really blame you, because I’m just an insane, paranoid hillbilly who is SKEERED out of my wits because of all the gigantic piles of cash and credit (debt) that Bernanke and Yellen have been pulling out of their butts.  AND THERE IS NO TAPER at all, according to Paul Craig Roberts!!  Tiny Belgium is buying up the excess QE money that is keeping the printing presses whirring to the tune of at LEAST $85 billion per month!!  $85 billion!!  And either the US Treasury or the FED is giving Belgium the money to buy these “assets”, because Belgium is tiny and BROKE - like all other countries.  Aaaaarrrrrrghhhhh!!

So, as you can see from all of the empty packages of Fig Newtons,  Oreos, and Chips Ahoy strewn about my humble “man cave” (can’t afford a bunker); and the fact that I use a lot of double and quadruple exclamation points, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY (RRR) want to win this contest so I can A) Get discovered and get rich, B) save the world from certain nakedness and wretched hunger and C) at least get a signed copy of Mogambo’s crummy book so I can sell it at a garage sale for $1.516  which I can then use to buy ONE pre-1965 DIME!!!!

OH, yeah, and the BABES that I will have clamoring for me (achingly)!!  After all, chicks dig gold bricks!!

Ooops, I almost forgot – We’re Freaking Doomed (WFD) to die a slow, torturous, naked, homeless death in the ditch of hyperinflationary HELL, unless we listen to Mogambo Guru, Senor Todd El Importante and other Junior Mogambo Rangers!  So, I guess if we buy gold, silver and oil stocks – We’re Freaking NOT Doomed (WFND)!!!!  WHEE!!!! 

After I win this contest and you send me the stupid signed book, I will then be able to say, “Whee….. this writing STUFF is easy!!!! Hahaha.”

Submission 3
By:  JMR John G.

Too Much Debt for Independence

I've been spending a lot of time in the bunker lately away from the family's salient love chatter of hey what's for dinner and when are we going on vacation. Trying to find more time to live a quite life saving more gold and silver due to it's in fallible track record (FTR) of thousands of years and I'm thinking the Amish have it pretty good. The three major expenses on the pie spending chart they seem to have covered. Housing, insurance, and transportation.

The Amish do not believe in the use of insurance. In 1965 the Federal government finally exempted the Amish from the SSI program. With the use of horses and buggy they don't even have to go through the rigmarole of the DMV (ROTD) saving currency, currency velocity and on average 38 hours stuck in traffic a year as the American Commuter (AC) does.

At age 15 the children can complete their studies putting an abrupt end to the over 2 waking years of indoctrination school system, start pulling their weight and holding up their end investing in gold, silver, and oil. They will ultimately thank me in the long run when the value of the dollar (VOTD) is enviably deflated away like an hot air balloon in a Jules Verne novel.

We'll our works cut out for us  Americans are laboring under about 13 trillion in mortgage debt, Total Consumer debt is 2.5 trillion dollars while 789 billion dollars in credit card debt - 16.2 trillion in personal debt or 200,000 per family, in addition federal backed student loans exceed credit card debt since 2011 over 1 trillion. On the other side of the ledger 7,000 dollars in savings per Family. We freaking doomed (WFD)! 

 This year we are going to have to skip the theme parks, sports stadiums and go to Amish camp. It will save us on parking fees and 150 minutes of exercise a week can extend a lifespan by 3.4 years. Eating organic, staying physically active and a stress free life of saving gold and silver, what more could one ask for (WMCOAF)!

How else could one spend their summer independent stress free hopefully whittling down any debt, surely buying gold bullion and silver bullion, and oil stocks. Forget the rollercoasters: wee, This investing stuff is easy!