Mogambo Guru Facts

Facts 61 - 69

Austrian School of Economics

Fact #69
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have no facts to declare except to declare my genius, which I have to admit is not so much genius as it is merely looking at the sorry economic history of the last 2,500 years and finding the explanation in the Austrian School of economics.
~ Mogambo Guru

Fact #68
The World's Most Interesting Man tried to capture a photo of The Mogambo in his natural habitat.

Fact #67
Mogambo Guru is Victoria's Secret.

Fact #66
Mogambo once spent a summer golfing in Minnesota.  It resulted in approximately 11,842 lakes being created after his golf balls returned to earth.

Fact #65
Christopher Nolan created Batman's costume by casting a mold of Mogambo's chest.

Fact #64
Mogambo Guru taught Charlie Daniels how to fiddle.

Fact #63
The Sahara Desert came into existence after Mogambo, while on a speaking tour in Northern Africa, tried to explain Austrian Business Cycle theory to Alan Greenspan.

Fact #62
Shooting stars are actually gold and silver deliveries to Mogambo from the next sector.  He's been forced to order from aliens as humans cannot keep production up with his demand.

Fact #61
Mogambo Guru always scores 19 on an 18 hole golf outing.  Shot number 19 is his shot of whiskey in the clubhouse, bought by the loser.

Facts 31 - 60

Flaming taco

Fact #60
What makes Mogambo's tacos so yummy is the napalm he uses for his sauce.


Fact #59
Goldfinger is not a James Bond movie, it's a gesture Mogambo makes with his middle finger whenever he sees Big Ben Bernanke on the television.

Fact #58
Mogambo Guru continues to fail to make the record books for the most number of birdies in a single round of golf because all his shots result in a hole-in-one.

Fact #57
Mogambo doesn't mow his grass, he just calls up the US Army to drop some agent orange.  That's why his tan is just a bit off color.

Fact #56
When von Mises and Hayek want advice they dial Mogambo's home phone number.  When Mogambo wants advice he dials his cell phone number.

Fact #55
Round Table Pizza wanted to change their name to Mogambo's Pizza Bunker but Mogambo turned down their dollar based franchise fee.

Fact #54
Moore's Law:  The number of transistors on a chip doubles every 18 months.  Mogambo's Law:  The number of morons on the government dole doubles every 18 months.

Fact #53
When the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) purchased 450 million rounds of 40 caliber hollow point ammunition they went shopping at the Mogambo Bunker Of Ultimate Defense Posture (MBOUDP) to take immediate delivery.

Fact #52
Asteroid 2012 DA 14, hurtling toward earth, has been found to have a magnetic attraction to Mogambo's gold and silver cache.  The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders have been found to have a magnetic attraction to Mogambo Guru.

Fact #51
The intensity of Mogambo's rage can be calculated as the square of the loathsome Obama administration's monthly deficit spending multiplied by the inverse of the foul federal reserve's artificially low interest rate, which, under the current zero interest rate policy, causes the intensity to approach infinity.

Fact #50
In an attempt to hide from Mogambo, Ben Bernanke plans to shave his beard after the whole world blows up from his massive printing of trillions of dollars.

Fact #49
The federal reserve has been furiously buying up treasury debt after the congress added a third directive of matching the feds balance sheet liabilities with Mogambo's assets.

Fact #48
Seneca guns, those booming noises accompanied by shaking ground and low rumbling sounds, has been traced back to the fleets of armored vehicles rolling through East coast towns delivering Mogambo's gold and silver purchases.

Fact #47
When Domino's ran out of pizza, rather than shutter operations, they went to Mogambo to purchase his pizza hoard.

Fact #46
The US military's Massive Ordinance Penetrator (MOP) bomb, scheduled to be placed into service June 2012, has already been found to be ineffective against the Mogambo Bunker of Extreme Paranoia (MBOEP) and has caused such consternation that the pentagon has set up the Mogambo Office Of Observation (MOOO).  The cows roaming coastal Florida are strangely out of place.

Fact #45
When children of Delta Force members want to scare their parents they talk about the Awesome Powers of the Mogambo (APOTM).

Fact #44
After the failure of the Japanese Army to save Tokyo, Mogambo Guru was called into action.  Before he could unleash the Mogambo Arsenal Of Sheer Firepower (MAOSF) Godzilla retreated into the ocean in Pure Mogambo Panic Mode (PMPM).

Fact #43
Mogambo doesn't own a putter, every ball he hits creates a hole when it lands.

Fact #42
Mogambo Guru orders so much silver and gold that the US Postal Service has issued him personal zip codes of 47 and 79.

Fact #41
Even at Mach 5, the Army's Advanced Hypersonic Weapon (AHW) failed to keep pace with Mogambo's golf ball when tested November 2011 over the Marshall Islands.

Fact #40
The last time rain fell on Mogambo's head was during a summer storm in August 1987, shortly before Alan Greenspan became the fed chief.  Since then Mogambo's head has been so hot the rain evaporates before it can strike him.

Fact #39
The crocodile population in southern Florida has increased nearly 10-fold since the 1970's.  That is exactly when Mogambo started telling the crocodiles about all the morons in his neighborhood.

Fact #38
The earth tilted on its axis after Mogambo Guru took physical possession of his gold and silver holdings.

Fact #37
The Staffordshire Hoard, found 5 July 2009, is the largest hoard of Anglo Saxon gold and silver metalwork found to date.  Apparently nobody has found Mogambo's bunker yet.

Fact #36
The acronym for MENSA, the intellectual group formed by Mogambo stands for Mogambo Enlightened Neoclassical School of Aurum (AU).

Fact #35
The myth that America's streets are paved with gold emanated from the leaked photo of Mogambo's compound.

Fact #34
Mogambo Guru taught Rumplestiltskin how to spin straw into gold.

Fact #33
Mogambo Guru invented digital photography after repeated requests from Kodak to sell some of his silver.

Fact #32
When silver is on backorder, Mogambo runs through central Florida decked out as a werewolf and collects the silver bullets fired at him.

Fact #31
Every time you hear a bell ring Mogambo Guru has just purchased another ounce of silver.

Facts 1 - 30

Scared soldier

Fact #30
When Delta Force soldiers want to tell their children scary stories they talk about Mogambo Guru.

Fact #29
Stevie Wonder went blind after Mogambo reluctantly granted his request to view his gold and silver hoard.

Fact #28
Mogambo Guru doesn't mean 'Love Guru' in Africa, it means 'get off your ass and buy gold, silver and oil ya moron', the whole world over.

Fact #27
The Tampa Triangle, bounded by St. Petersburg, Tampa and Clearwater, is more feared than the Bermuda Triangle as gold, silver and oil have been disappearing at an alarming rate.

Fact #26
Global warming has been found to originate from a bunker in a coastal town in central Florida.  It can be reversed if the federal reserve would quit pissing off Mogambo.

Fact #25
The Mogambo Guru routinely beat Jack Nicklaus in the masters tournaments.  Since Mogambo refused to sell some gold to pay his entrance fees, they denied all of his 23 first place titles.

Fact #24
There is no Greek god of economics because Mogambo Guru declined the offer.  His Mogambo Laugh of Scorn (MLOS) so embarrassed Zeus that he never offered the position to anyone else.

Fact #23
JP Morgan isn't really leveraged 100:1 on their silver contracts at COMEX, they've been illegally shorting against Mogambo's holdings.

Fact #22
NASA's Mars Rover's first major find was not life on Mars or even water but an ammo can containing gold, silver and hermetically sealed oil stock certificates.  The can was stamped Property of the Mogambo (POTM).

Fact #21
The four earthquakes of April 11, 2012 were caused when the Big Fist of the Mogambo (BFOTM) pounded the Florida ground after the loathsome Obama administration and the foul federal reserve pissed him off.

Fact #20
Mogambo's personal bench press record is a massive 2,025 pounds.  Since his insurance company won't insure that amount of gold his record cannot be independently verified by the Guiness observers.

Fact #19
The real mission of the Apollo program was to retrieve Mogambo's errant golf ball.  The Kennedy administration concocted the "race to the moon" to get public financial support because the price of Mogambo's gold was being suppressed by the government.

Fact #18
"Going Mogambo" is the newest entry in the Psychologist's Big Book of Psychology Terms, it describes the state of rage at the exact moment the brain explodes.

Fact #17
When Mogambo took delivery on his silver contracts COMEX sent his shipment via airmail.  Unfortunately, the plane went down and the resulting crash caused the Mississippi River to flow backwards.

Fact #16
A chicken with red earlobes will produce brown eggs and a chicken with white earlobes will produce white eggs, Mogambo devours both.

Fact #15
There are approximately 2,700 species of mosquitoes (mostly living in Minnesota) but only one Mogambo Guru (living in a bunker in Florida).

Fact #14
The Mogambo Guru was the architect NORAD consulted when building Cheyenne Mountain Operations Center.

Fact #13
The fabled Lost City of Atlantis sank beneath the waves because one dumb radio host failed to call Mogambo to initiate a scheduled interview.

His subsequent rage caused a mighty storm that literally disfigured the earth itself.

Fact #12
The Grand Canyon was formed when Mogambo's car broke down and he was forced to drag his cache of gold and silver across Arizona.

Fact #11
Mogambo Guru is the only individual to ever successfully drop Gunnery Sergeant R. Lee Ermey for pushups.

Fact #10
If you're a moron, you don't know it but Mogambo does.  If you're not a moron, you know it but Mogambo disagrees with you.

Fact #9
The pot holes in the Greater Tampa area are where the Mogambo Guru accidentally dropped his bags of silver.

Fact #8
The Economist's Big Book of Economic Stuff has one page:  Mogambo's phone number.

Fact #7
The Mogambo Guru is an omnivore, he hates plants and animals equally.

Fact #6
The Mogambo Guru is on the other end of a certain superstar golfer's cell phone, not Heidi Fleiss.

Fact #5
IBM's Deep Blue is much like R2D2 except inside is the Mogambo Guru.

Fact #4
The Mogambo Guru doesn't sleep, if his eyes are closed he's praying.

Fact #3
Jack Rebney, aka Winnebago Man, left the Mogambo School of Rage in tears.

Fact #2
A Mogambo ghetto blaster is an uzi and a boombox is a booby trapped pizza container.

Fact #1
When the US Air Force tested their MOAB (Mother of all Bombs) in Florida they dropped it on the Mogambo Bunker of Doom; MOAB failed miserably.